Twenty-something years ago, there was no internet access in typical households. When I finished my homework, I often called my friends via the home phone. The phone calls usually lasted 15 to 30 minutes. Then, it was my mother’s turn to speak to her friends for another 15 to 30 minutes.
When feature phones started to become popular, many mobile phone service providers offered a promotion plan allowing users to send a certain amount of free SMS messages to others who were using the same service provider. We switched to the same service provider and kept texting each other day and night. There was a limit on the number of words per SMS message. I still remember how much effort we made to make our texts concise.
Sooner after, instant messaging and social media became mainstream. We no longer had to care about the word limit, nor did we have to care about whether the recipient is available to receive the message. However, many problems were introduced, including those I wrote about last time.
The “like and comment” system is a tricky feature. Social media is a semi-public to a public platform, depending on how you set the privacy control. When someone commented on your post, other friends can read the comment too. Commenting itself discourages you from talking to your friends at length. Instead, you would post something meaningless like, “Wow! It’s so cute!” That’s what superficial chat means.
A single like button may mean a lot. Do they really like your post? Do they click “like” simply to acknowledge that they have read your post? Do they treat “like” as a reminder that they can skip that post next time? It looks weird to ask your friends why they “liked” your post.
To have more meaningful conversations, I avoid using the “like and comment” system and value face-to-face conversation.
One of my old friends, who met at high school, started her floral business over a year ago and opened her studio this year. I spoke to her through instant messaging. After that, she invited me to visit her studio. One of her findings in opening her studio was that it is a good chance to reconnect with old friends, like me. Haven’t chatted for the last 6 years, we spent a whole evening talking about the things that happened during those years – with our mobile phones away, of course.
Another friend, who moved to the UK last year, often texts me about life in the UK. As we are located in different locations, we can’t meet face-to-face. However, simple techniques, like having a reserved timeslot and two webcams, can mimic a face-to-face conversation. With the aid of the tools, we, together with my girlfriend, “met” virtually twice recently. Again, we spent a whole evening sharing our recent updates. Showing her house via the webcam was much better than having text and photos.
I value face-to-face conversation over instant messaging over the “like and comment” system in social platforms. Let me end this article with a quote from the book Reclaiming Conversation by Sherry Turkle, which was also quoted in Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism:
Face-to-face conversation is the most human — and humanizing — thing we do. Fully present in one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. it’s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood.