Several weeks ago, there was a meetup at my company, targeting Scrum Masters to share their experience with their teams. A Scrum Master shared how several Scrum teams within his area work. “Let me give you some advice,” said one of the attendees, “You should do blah blah blah…”
After the attendee’s advice, the presenting Scrum Master immediately denied the advice and explained a lot. Tension built up. The debate, filled with “No, I mean…”, lasted several minutes until the facilitator stepped in to end it.
Never give unsolicited advice.
Among the people who frequently offer unsolicited advice to their peers, they are generally categorised into two types. Some of them are usually generous, intending to help their peers solve problems. However, there is another type of person who wants to demonstrate their ability to influence others. If the listener accepts their unsolicited advice, their self-esteem will also be strengthened.
However, people don’t often think they have a problem. Even if they are aware of their problems, they usually hide them and are unwilling to let someone reveal them. Regardless of the situation, people don’t expect unsolicited advice. They feel offended and stressed. They may overreact and fight back. That is why the attendee who gave unsolicited advice at the meetup faced backlash.
So, what should we do instead? Ask them a powerful question. Powerful questions help clarify ideas and inspire reflection. The respondent may change their mind based on the new information gained from the questions. Asking powerful questions also demonstrates active listening, as it is impossible to form a powerful question without understanding the respondent’s intent.
Asking a powerful question is more challenging than you might think. Try this – if you cannot think of a powerful question, remain quiet and avoid the urge to say anything. If you want to advise someone, wait for their approval or guide the conversation through the use of powerful questions. Turn unsolicited advice into solicited advice. Advice is only helpful when requested.